Chris Lackner
“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows,” but these days, a guide through the seemingly endless flurry of pop culture offerings is just what we need. With that in mind, here is what’s on the radar screen in TV, music and film for the coming week.
MOVIES
Big Releases on Oct. 23: Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension; The Last Witch Hunter
Big Picture: A family moves into a new home only to discover a box of creepy old VHS tapes and a magical camera equipped with weird buttons that allow the lens to “see” the spirit world. Finally, Casper, Bloody Mary, and the Bogeyman can join us in the glorious age of the selfie! Of course, “the ghost dimension” never picks on anyone its own size, and swiftly targets the couple’s little girl Leila. The horror series’ final instalment is tailor made for those who enjoy having demons and ghosts jump out them in 3D, but I would, err, kill for a cameo by Dr. Peter Venkman. (This franchise desperately needs Bill Murray’s comic relief.) Meanwhile, The Last Witch Hunter reveals two terrifying truths. 1. Vin Diesel is immortal; and, 2. Vin Diesel is starring alongside Sir Michael Caine. Kaulder (Vin Diesel) is the world’s last defence against warlocks and witches. For a change of pace, the action star battles something other than fast cars — so he has about 10 lines of dialogue versus the usual two. But it’s hard to
take this movie seriously, even when Caine says ominous things like “and so it begins” in his wise, British accent. Rose Leslie (Jon Snow’s short-lived girlfriend on Game of Thrones) is on-hand as a witchy “dream walker” that may help Kaulder defeat the Queen Witch in the land of dreams — the only place he can die (it’s just like Inception only without all those pesky dream layers).
Forecast: A twist ending where we find out the monosyllabic Kaulder is a grown-up Harry Potter who fell off a few too many Quidditch brooms.
Honourable Mention: Jem and the Holograms. Aubrey Peeples (Nashville) plays nobody Jerrica, transformed into the titular Jem by a viral Internet video, and the greedy music industry. Can she and her sisters in the Holograms survive the fame game? Probably. But am I the only one hoping they turn out to be witches and Vin Diesel makes a cinematic crossover in the climax? (For those who remember the ’80s: With Jem’s release, how long before He-Man and She-Ra are revived?)
Ed Sheeran [Getty Images]
Big Event: MTV Europe Music Awards (Oct. 25, MTV)
Big Picture: What can I tell you? It’s a slow week for TV premières. (I blame Hollywood’s witches. They probably magically cleared the deck to boost their 15-minutes of fame in the new Vin Diesel flick. You know, to raise awareness of being threatened with extinction and all). Recent MuchMusic Video Awards co-host, Ed Sheeran, helms the MTV EMAs from Milan, Italy! (At one point does he officially switch his profession from musician to award show host?). DJ-actor Ruby Rose (Orange is the New Black) co-hosts. Justin Bieber has already won the fan-chosen award for best Canadian act — topping The Weeknd, Shawn Mendes, Carly Rae Jepsen, and Drake. (The only question: Was Bieber nominated for his music or his pants-free public performance art?). The Biebs goes on compete in the category of best North American act, and — potentially — best worldwide act. Fans can vote online until Oct. 24. (If none of this means anything to you, just book a calendar date to watch Vin Diesel slaughter spellcasters. Abracadabra!)
Forecast: By 2016, Sheeran will be hosting the Miss America pageant, America’s Funniest Home Videos and Dancing with the Stars.
Honourable Mention: Da Vinci’s Demons (Oct. 24, Super Channel). The final season of this period drama delves into Leonardo da Vinci’s secret history. Turns out one of our most brilliant minds waged battles against religion and elitists, joined forces with a cult, and may have had supernatural gifts. (I bet the average sorceress on a century-long run is glad Vin Diesel took the Witch Hunter gig, and not Da Vinci).
Carrie Underwood [The Associated Press]
Big Releases on Oct. 23: Carrie Underwood (Storyteller); Rod Stewart (Another Country)
Big Picture: Underwood is one of country’s biggest stars for a reason, and it’s not witchcraft. Only sheer talent can turn a breakthrough on American Idol into a legitimate, chart-topping career. That said, new song titles like Dirty Laundry, Church Bells, Chaser, Relapse and Heartbeat sound like they were churned out by some kind of country-song writing computer program, or robot. Meanwhile, Rod Stewart visits Another Country on his studio 29th album. His signature smoky vocals still plant their flag in each track, but the legend does experiment with the likes of reggae, ska and Celtic sounds and rhythms. (Don’t get too excited. The song Batman Superman Spider-Man is based on Stewart’s bedtime stories to his youngest son — not the next big crossover comic book movie.)
Forecast: Underwood fans will listen closely to this Storyteller; At 70, Stewart proves there are many musical countries for old men.
Honourable Mention: Joanna Newsom (Divers). This singer-songwriter, burgeoning actress, keyboardist and harpist is one of the most original voices in music — a spellbinding blend of psychedelic folk, cabaret and Appalachian music. Give her a chance; she could be your new favourite whimsical weirdo. Her new single is Sapokanikan, so she’s definitely not using Underwood’s song-title writing system.
